Focus Daniel Son!

          So it has been nearly 5 months since the last post and a lot has been happening. In September I decide to take my thoughts and place them into a book that I am going to publish early next year. One of the things that I touch on heavily in those pages is the power of the mind and how we are the one's that create our own realities...the good and the bad. Now this is something that has been touched on in this blog before but it seems that many people that read my blogs or visit me on other sites continue to ask me questions about how they are creating their own realities. So let's unpack this a bit more from another perspective.

           If we were to peel back all of the layers of what makes our realities day after day what it would come down to is the lens in which we CHOOSE to view the world. This lens represents our state of mind and the thoughts that dominate both our subconscious and conscious mind. In essence, what you constantly think about you will bring about. This is not a new idea; this understanding has been written about in ancient writings, it is found in the bible, referred to broadly as mindfulness in eastern religions, and was the spark that created the Secret phenomenon. But it isn't enough to know that this is the truth, it is about how we can learn to be mindful enough if we do it at a subconscious level.

           To begin you must approach this state of mind from as a conscious and deliberate action. What is to follow are some simple steps that you can execute over the next 30 days to really begin changing the way you see the world.

1. Start each day in Prayer - meaning from the moment you wake up find a place in your house were you can be comfortable and free from distraction and pray; (there is no time requirement here) just list all of the things that you can imagine being grateful for in your life no matter what it is; nothing is too small to be grateful for. One morning I went out to my car to go to work and my car would not start. Being in a state of gratitude I thanked God that I had a car that could be broken and I was extremely grateful that I had people in my life that could help me to work. Having a attitude of gratitude frees up the mind to help you see beyond the problems or stresses you experience and helps you see a solution.

2. Start each day with intention - before you leave your house for the day plan out what it is that you want from the day and be specific. Set a goal for the day and envision yourself accomplishing that goal. Visualization is a very powerful way to move you from where your are to where you want to be.

3. Keep a daily journal (you only need to do it for 30 days so don't complain just commit) - in your journal or daily log be sure to list thinks that you have to be grateful for. This comes in handy when you are feeling discouraged or you begin to dwell on the negative things going on around you. Once you feel yourself starting to think in a negative way stop yourself immediately and write in your journal or log something that you can be grateful for instead.

4. Before you go to sleep - take a few minutes in a quit place and express your gratitude again for the things that you have in your life. Then before going to sleep spend some time envisioning what you want your day to bring tomorrow.

Repeat for 30 day or the rest of your life...

           Now you are probably thinking what many have asked me, "What do I do when I find myself in a state where I am feeling angry, sad, mad, frustrated, anxious, insert any negative state of being here?" Well, here are a few easy steps for that too:

1. Well, the first step is to recognize that you are in the undesired mood, take responsibility for being in that mood - you cannot blame people or circumstances only yourself. Decide that you want to change that mood and focus your thoughts in that area. Think of a time when you felt the emotion that you want to feel in the given moment. Think of that time; the sights and the sounds; really put yourself in that mood. Continue to think of other times when you felt that way and continue to stack those experiences one on top of the other until you are in the desired state.

2. Ask the right question regarding the mood state - Ask yourself "What must I believe about this situation that would make me feel this way?" look at the finite nature of the circumstance, realizing that no matter the level of your anger, frustration, sadness, etc... it will go away and things will improve. Next, ask yourself "In what other way can I view this same circumstance?" The idea behind this type of question is two fold, you are first attempting to stop the negative thinking in its tracks and setting your mind to process something other than the negativity. Remember, there is always a multitude of  ways to view the same situation so if need be think of as many ways as you need to in order to see the circumstance in a positive light. Keep in mind that in the beginning this feels difficult because it is something new to you, but know that like anything else, the more you practice the better you will get. Asking questions will not only stop the negative thinking immediately but it sends a signal to your brain that this type of thinking is not acceptable. Coming up with alternatives provides the mind time to refresh and re-assess what is happening. you are giving your mind a window of opportunity to free itself up from the stress, anger, etc... that is moving you away from how you want to feel.

3. Change you mind - say to yourself that you are not going to allow your good mood to be disrupted and that you will only focus on the good in any situation - the conscious decision over time will develop into empowerment and confidence that no matter the circumstance or situation you can handle it. You will learn that your emotions are at your command.

As I begin to release myself from a negative state I pick my favorite up beat song and listen to it or sing it over and over in my mind while I put on a smile. Music works for me and when I can't listen to music I sing it  to myself. Identify what makes you smile and brings you joy and refer to that to help set you in the right direction. And yes, I said put on a smile because sometimes you have to fake it til you make it. With an upbeat song and a smile it won't be long until your body naturally joins into the excitement and completely changes your state.

As Porky Pig would say "That's All Folks!"


If you have any questions feel free to contact me by commenting to this post or sending me an email to www.focusedwise@yahoo.com

WHO'S DRIVING?

WHERE YOU HEADED?

In order to get where you want to go and be fully vested in the process of change you have to DRIVE that process yourself. You have to plan the trip: set the destination, budget the money, plan the transportation, figure out where you are staying, organize the time line, etc. There are a myriad of things that must be consider when planning a trip and it all starts with the final destination in mind. You cannot get where you want to go if you do not know exactly where you are headed.

Picture the last time you planned a vacation reflecting back on how excited you were to go. You shared with those you know your excitement of "getting away" and taking time for yourself. You probably were so excited and shared it so often that people were tired of hearing about it and they wished you were already gone. As the time drew closer for you to set off on the trip you began to get even more excited, more invested. Dreaming about it night after night hearing the sounds of the beach; the waves crashing onto the shore, hearing the birds in the air, the people playing; Smelling the suntan lotion, the food cooking on the grills; feeling the sand between your toes and the cool water splashing against your body as if you were already there. You envisioned your destination with such detail that you were living the experience even before it actually happened. When you plan for change in your life you MUST picture it in the same way, you need to see it as if it has already happened and live the change even before it is fully actualized. The more you are connected to the change you want to make and the mapping process the more you will mobilize your entire body to move you toward the end goal; the destination.

AUTO PILOT

Think about the last time you forgot how to get where you needed to go. While driving to a friend’s house one evening for dinner I lost my direction when I had gotten off the freeway and entered into the back roads. Which was odd because I had been to this couples house several times before; yet I could not remember for the life of me the more specific details of the route. Jumping on the freeway and heading South was easy in fact, I didn't even think about it; I was in such a trance that by the time I consciously thought about where I was headed I was half way there. But when it came time for me to remember the street names, landmarks, and other details of the route I could not. My wife laughed when I told her that I had forgotten how to get there. How was it that I could forget? Simple, each time we had gone to our friend’s house in the past my wife did the driving so I didn't really pay attention to the specifics. When you are driving the car you’re engaged and mindful of the direction that you are going and you pay attention to the little things around you that matter. You deploy the mental faculties needed to answer the central question "How do I get where I need to go without getting lost?" If you are letting someone else drive your change process then you will miss out on some very vital details that could mean the difference between getting lost on your journey or ending up where you want to be. So how much control do you give to others? How much control do you allow yourself to have? Answering these question honestly will help get you moving toward your goal/s.

LOCUS OF CONTROL

There is a continuum of control that helps people in perceiving and experiencing the world around them.

INTERNAL ------------------------------------------------------------EXTERNAL

Internal locus is the extent to which you feel you control the world around you; you feel that your behaviors are directed more by personal choices. On this end of the spectrum you have total power and mastery over your experiences and behaviors. On the opposite end sits the External locus in which you are much more reactive to the world believing that you have no control over the world a whole and your behaviors are motivated by those things that happen to you; you may belief more in fate or luck rather than self-directed results.

Bear in mind that one side of the spectrum is no better than the other and for the most part people fall somewhere in between rather than living in one extreme. The idea however, is to really look at where you are on the continuum so that you can begin to understand a little better how you are motivated toward action. It is important to note that if you fall closer to the external locus side you may find that it is more challenging for you to reach your goals even with a clear plan because you may not be fully vested in the idea that you create your own change or you may only try something one or two times and chalk the failure up to "I guess it wasn't meant to be." The more you move toward the internal locus you will gain greater confidence about your change capabilities.

Ask yourself a couple of question: use a 0-5 scale 0 being completely disagree and 5 being completely agree.

1.     How hard you work directly reflects your level of success?

No matter how hard you work if people don’t like you, you can’t succeed?

2.     Making plans is what moves people toward accomplishing goals?

Making plans is good but most of the times life gets in the way; what’s the point?

      3.    No matter how hard you try, some people just don't like you?

People who can't get others to like them don't understand how to get along with others?

4.    People are who they are as a result of their experiences?

People are who they are because of their families?

5.     Getting what I want has little to do with luck?

Getting what I want is a coin toss – 50/50?

6.     Most political problems are caused by people’s lack of action and participation?

No matter how much you get involved government shapes itself?

Look at the first set of questions which are indications of Internal Locus did you place more value when it came to those questions? Did you score higher in the second set of questions? Were you even? This is a reduced questionnaire and is in no way comprehensive but it helps to get you to think about the level of perceived control you have in life. If you have set goals in the past and have not been able to reach them perhaps you are predominately guided by an external locus? 

A question that seems to come up a lot is “Do I need to fully change my locus before I can start reaching my goals?” and the answer is no! However, you will at the very least need to compartmentalize your locus. If at your core you feel that life is all directed by fate then you may have some difficulties. Although, if you can say that not every aspect of life is pre-ordained and can separate things to give you control then it may prove easier. In your Business life for example if you Believed that business success was guided more by you and your level of participation and less by happenstance then it will be much easier for you to obtain your goal/s.

WHAT’S NEXT?

 Well, let go backwards to get to the beginning. Recognize where your locus of control is and adjust accordingly. If you are predominately external then start looking at ways to take control of certain areas of your life to drive change; you must be in the driver seat! The next time you are in a situation where you find yourself saying things like “That’s just how it goes.” Or “I don’t know why I make plans anyway?” stop! Instead, ask yourself what you can do next in that given situation to move toward progress. Don’t give up on it focus on the outcome that you want and push towards it.

Think of a time in your life when you were really determined to have something; a time when you were unstoppably driven. The more people told you that you couldn't have what you wanted the more determined you got and the harder you tried to get it. Remember that time so that you can recall it at will. Whenever you need pure determination reflect on that time in your life. How you felt about wanting it, how it made you feel just thinking about attaining it. Regardless of your predominate locus there is usually a time in your life where you took absolute control and left nothing to CHANCE. You have to get rid of the designated driver in your life and take the wheel yourself if you really want to reach your goals. Keep in mind that this is all precipitated by your VISION for where you want to end up. Visualize your destination with vivid colors, clear sights, and distinct sounds. The more detail and emotion you breath into the vision of your destination the more real it will become and the more determined you will be to get there. 


Hopefully, this will help put you in the driver seat. Questions or need assistance email me at focusedwise@yahoo.com