GAME PLAN:

GAME PLAN:

 It is a New Year and everyone is excited to start with a clean slate! Now, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news here but you are caring stuff over from the prior year/s into this new beginning. If you really want to get yourself setup for success as you steamroll into 2013 then you need to understand what you are carrying with you and then decided what you need this year to accomplish what you want.

CARRY OVER:

Each year people welcome the New Year as an opportunity to do some new things or at least do some things differently; go to the gym more, eat a better diet, save more money, take more vacations, spend more time with family, etc… you know what I am talking about. The thing is when people begin this new way of doing things they fail to change their thinking about the end goal they wish to achieve and their approach to obtaining their desires remains the same. We carry over from the previous year or years the beliefs about our desires, abilities, and resources needed to accomplish these so called New Year’s Resolutions. In Romans 12:2 Paul writes “Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind…”As we enter into the new year we need to come with fresh (renewed) perspective; a clean lens in which we view our approach to accomplishing our goals. If we conform to the world or to those around us we place limitations on our ability to think more creatively about how to approach our goals. Also, it is important to break out of our own patterns that have become the conditioned responses that further limit us. Some are familiar with the saying “The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” Patterns can trap and bind us making the efforts we make seem like we are truly trying to work hard toward our goals when in reality we are only doing what we have always done before (this is the Treadmill effect – working really hard and going nowhere). If you continue to do the exact same things over and over doing it harder or faster doesn’t change the fact that it is the same old process. The parable of thenew wine in old wine skins can be found in Matthew 9:17; Mark 2:22; Luke 5:37-39 the essential theme of this parable helps us to understand that if we take new ideologies or beliefs and mix them in with old beliefs we can corrupt the new understanding to the point where it can actually cause damage rather than preserve good. Year after year people set goals only to abandon them by mid February. Most of the time people are ready to pursue something new, to make some type of change but, unfortunately, they add these new desires and new ideas with their old ways of thinking and doing things, which eventually leads to failed pursuits. Paul is giving us a strategy for goal attainment in that he is saying we need to first begin with changing how we think about our goals and the beliefs we hold regarding them. Our thinking leads to beliefs, good or bad, and ultimately develops into the motivations that lead us to action. Paul was inspired by God to share this information with us; it is NECESSARY to get your thinking right before you begin to drive yourself toward any of your planned goals.

RENEWED UNDERSTANDING:

In order to renew your thinking you need to dig in for a moment and really understand what you believe about your particular end result. Here is a step by step guide to help you identify what it is you believe about your goal/s.

1. Identify what the goal is and write it down - Lose weight, eat healthier, make more money, take more vacations, spend more time with family, etc.
2. Once you have written down your goal ask yourself what you believe you will gain from achieving this goal. “I will be able to do activities that I would never have been able to do before if I lose weight”, “I will be healthier if I eat better making me feel better”, “I can afford more if I make more money”, “I will feel like I contribute more, or matter more, or I will be a good parent if I spend more time with the family.”
3.  Identify the emotions you will feel once this goal has been achieved.
   1. Happiness, fulfillment, love, contentment, accomplished, etc… you can feel more than one main emotion.
4. Identify which of the 6 Human Needs the goal attainment will fulfill for you (can be more than 1 so prioritize them).
   1. Certainty/Comfort. We all want comfort. And much of this comfort comes from certainty. Of course there is no ABSOLUTE certainty, but we want certainty the car will start, the water will flow from the tap when we turn it on and the currency we use will hold its value.
   2. Variety. At the same time we want certainty, we also crave variety. Paradoxically, there needs to be enough UNcertainty to provide spice and adventure in our lives.
   3. Significance. Deep down, we all want to be important. We want our life to have meaning and significance. I can imagine no worse a death than to think my life didn’t matter.
   4. Connection/Love. It would be hard to argue against the need for love. We want to feel part of a community. We want to be cared for and cared about.
   5. Growth. There could be some people who say they don’t want to grow, but I think they’re simply fearful of doing so—or perhaps NOT doing so. To become better, to improve our skills, to stretch and excel may be more evident in some than others, but it’s there.
   6. Contribution. The desire to contribute something of value—to help others, to make the world a better place than we found it is in all of us.
5. To complete the evaluation of your understanding you now need to find alternatives.
   1. Look at the needs fulfilled and the emotions that are attached to the goal accomplishment. Are there alternatives to meeting the same needs and emotional responses associated with the goal attainment? If there are no alternatives and accomplishing this goal is a MUST for you then your ability to be motivated and to sustain your motivation is high. However, if you can identify 1 or more alternatives it is possible that those alternatives can pull you away from your intended goal.
   2. It is very common that when people set out to meet a particular goal that they abandon that goal in lieu of something else that meets the same needs with less effort (let’s face it, we are a instant gratification society). When something is a MUST for you, you do whatever it takes to make it happen. But if you believe that the end result is optional and you do not actually need it you will quite pursuing it at the first real signs of adversity. This step is critical because you want to make sure that you are setting yourself up for success; don’t pursuing a goal that you know you will ultimate abandon a couple of months down the road. Before you begin that actual process of goal planning write down your goal and what it means to you to accomplish it. Fully describe what it will mean to you emotionally and how obtaining what you want will improve your life. Once you have completed this task then you are ready to begin the process of establishing goals that are truly attainable and sustainable.

Illustration:

Goal: To learn Spanish so that I can be more competitive in the job market.

Achieving this Goal Will: Allow me to gain a promotion at work so that I can take on the role of team leader/manager and make more money.

Emotional Fulfillment: I will feel more appreciated and needed.

Human Needs: Significant, certain, contribution, growth

Alternatives: There is another position that I can apply for with my employer and a couple of competitors that I can apply for that do not require me to speak Spanish.

Conclusion: I don’t need to speak Spanish to gain a promotion or to feel significance or certainty. To feel more significant I can volunteer at work and church and I am already certain about my current role and the financial stability in my life. If I step up my productivity then I know that I will not be in jeopardy of losing my current position.

Do I set a Goal Plan then to learn Spanish? NO – there are other ways that will assist me in meeting my needs of significance, contribution, and certainty

NEXT STEP/ GOAL SHIFT: I can Apply for the internal Job posting at work and to the other companies that I have identified. Additionally, I can look for volunteer opportunities at work and church. I can still learn Spanish but it is not a must for me.

FINAL WORDS:

In this example this person really only wanted to take Spanish for the sake of taking Spanish (which may fulfill their need for growth). The individual had a false perception that a new language skill would make them more competitive in an market that showed great opportunities for a non-Spanish speaker. In the end, they were able to save the money and time it would have taken to acquire the new language skill and it freed them up to pursue goals that would ultimately satisfy more of their NEEDS.

Clearly, this scenario was only presented as a demonstration of the process used to evaluate what your underlying motivations are. Once you have identified what you REALLY want/need then it will make it that much easier to create a direct path to getting it. Keep in mind that God wants you to have the desires of your heart (Psalms 37:4 “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.”) and he wants you to live in abundance.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I MADE IT!

Standing in front of a large group of his fellow co-works John not only received the coveted sales manager of the year award but the President of the company announced his promotion to Managing Director; the position that John had dreamed about getting. He could remember all of the extra tasks and projects he committed himself too and all of the extra hours he put in over the past 12 months really trying to make an impression. John sacrificed some of his regularly scheduled date nights with his wife, missed some of his daughter’s soccer games, he did not even celebrate his own birthday in pursuit of a better position. Sacrifices that he and his wife agreed would be okay during that year so long as it would pay off in the end; which it seemed to. That was two years ago and John has been miserable for the past 14 months. He is really not enjoying the new role that he has worked so hard for and he is struggling deeply to make sense of how everything in his life can fit together. When was the last time you worked extremely hard for something? Putting in countless hours heavily investing your emotions? It may not have been work related it could have been anything like a new relationship, parenting, new car, new house, moving to a new city, etc… If you have ever found yourself not happy with something after you worked so hard to get it then you can relate to what John is going through and what I am going to be discussing here.

WHAT HAPPENED?

Well, we live largely in a task oriented society where great value is placed on setting and attaining goals. We are taught that direction is what gives people purpose and the attainment of goals provides a feeling of moving toward success and meaning. If you don’t have a goal/s and some type of plan for attaining them then what do you have? On the surface John had been very successful the Managing Director position was exactly what he and his wife had sacrificed so much for. This position was going to give them some extra money month after month giving them a “Cushion” of comfort. Living pay check to pay check was stressful at times and now they don’t have to worry about the money near as much. Family vacations became a possibility for them as they could not afford to take them very often in the past. This promotion seemed to give them everything they wanted. Has this type of situation ever happen to you?

What John needed to learn was that life is not about getting what you want. We see that on the cover of every tabloid around the world. Billions of dollars a year are generated by stories of celebrities that have the world at their finger tips; unlimited financial resources, amazing homes, insane vacations, dream weddings, cool cars…total freedom to do what they want when they want and yet they are still not happy. Of course the rest of us are okay watching celebrities loose it in public because it makes us feel better about not being wealthy and famous; it becomes okay that we have not achieved. But what these celebrity warning stories have to teach us and what we all need to learn is that getting what you want cannot provide you with a since of happiness or fulfillment unless it provides you with what you NEED! That’s right…getting what you need and not what you want is the key to a fulfilling, happy, and engaging life. Now that is not to say that they are mutually exclusive – sometimes getting what you wanted satisfies your need. So the trick is to really understand what you need so that you can plan your goals effectively.

SO WHAT DO I NEED?

You can conduct countless searches on the internet or read a 1000 books on the subject of human needs and alternate variations of needs psychology but at the end of the day Chloe Madanes and Anthony Robbins have put together an accurate and simple view of human psychology which they state contains six needs which are; CERTAINTY, UNCERTAINTY, SIGNIFIGANCE, LOVE/CONNECTION, GROWTH, AND CONTRIBUTION.

Certainty – think of it as predictability; knowing that things will remain consistent; things that you can count on.

Uncertainty – Variety or the unexpected – humans have a need to break away from the mundane nature of predictability or they become bored.

Significance – to have a meaning – to be purposeful; to have importance

Love/Connection – the need to be valued by others – To have intimate connection and closeness.

These four needs are vital to our very survival and must be met in some way regardless of the quality of the attainment. Not all of these needs must be met at a given time in fact people often only meet a couple of these needs through a single behavior or routine of behaviors at any given time. The more needs you meet through a single event the more likely you will repeat it or possibly even gain an addiction to. For example, look at a person who is addicted to control; ever met a "control freak?" If someone is in need of controlling everything and everyone in their lives is a person who has a great deal of fear and does not handle uncertainty very well.  Think of the level of Certainty when you believe you control everything – "I know what is going to happen because I make it so." Uncertainty – is only met by certain activities such as public events - typically tightening up the control in those cases; there is also variety in the number of ways in which a person can create a controlling environment. Significance – I'm important to everyone in "My World" because nothing happens without my permission; I am in control of how I am feeling. Love/Connection – This person usually sacrifices the love aspect and settles for the illusion of connection - feeling connected solely through control and other people’s perceived need for them. At any given time a person who attempts to control everything can meet 3-4 of their primary needs at any given time. However, you could have a behavior that is more agreeable and helps others in the process. If you were constantly praised for being so nice and found that by being passive and agreeable people connected with and even loved you then that would be a good reason to continue a particular behavior. So as you continued pleasing people you found that there was Certainty in your approach and ability to make people feel good, but Uncertainty in the variety of ways to make people happy. You felt significant because it was your mission to make others happy and you found connection and sometimes love from those that you have made happy. The downside is that you concentrate so much on making others happy that you neglect yourself at times. So it is always important to find the balance.

Now let’s look at the last two needs referred to as your Spiritual needs:

Growth – Is linked to our primal instincts (survival of the fittest) we need to grow in order to compete. Not only that but if we lack the need for growth we become stagnated and eventually die - metaphorically speaking. Have you ever been "Stuck in a rut?" this may have been a big part of the reason why.

Contribution – This is a need for us to give beyond ourselves - The service attitude - linking back to a primal instinct for group survival. It was necessary for individuals to contribute to the whole of the tribe in order for the tribe to flourish and survive.

What John had to discover was his primary need and how he could attain that in any circumstance. What he learned was that he above all he needed Love and Connection with his family. All the work that he put in and the sacrifices that he made were so that he could have time with his family. Once he understood this need and the drive and passion he had to attain it he refocused his energy, set new goals, and began working toward what he needed; love and connection with his family.

SO WHAT NOW?

Start by really drilling it down. When setting your goals to get what you want keep in mind the two types of goals, Means and Ends. When planning for things in your life you need to understand what the END is – what outcome do you wish to attain? Why do you want it? The why you want it should be an emotion and you should be able to relate it to at least one of your six needs. By understanding the emotion and need behind the goal you will create the motivational force necessary to push you toward the end goal. Means goals are different in that they look at how you can get to the end that you seek. The great thing about means goals is that you can operate with more than one in mind at a time, they are flexible, and can be changed (adjusted) as you go along. Means goals however should be directional and in-line with achieving your end goal. Often time’s people focus on very large mean goals and get lost in the process of getting what they really want and how that want meets their need. At times people will confuse the mean goal for the end goal like John did in getting his promotion. It wasn’t the promotion that he really wanted which is why he was feeling unfulfilled in his new role. What he was really after was having the perceived opportunities of freedom and comfort that would afford him time to connect with his family and to bring even more love them. What John has learned is that by clarifying what he needs at an emotional level he can plan more effectively and appropriately to get what he needs.

Write down what you really want and work the process through to identify how it relates to your emotional need. Once you identify the NEED that you have begin to brainstorm ways in which you can get what you need by doing other things – creating means goals for yourself. If you can identify other ways to meet your needs more immediately it will change your whole outlook on the direction of your life.

Stay Focused!