This week I was helping my daughter write a paper for school where the teacher asked that the kids list two or three sources for the information they were presenting. My daughter was getting frustrated with finding good sources and in her agitation asked me “Who cares where I get the information from?” That question had me thinking for most of the evening about the credibility of the information we gather and how critical information is to us in how we develop our own belief systems.
Chances are there has been a point in your own life when someone said that you were not good enough, smart enough, tall enough, or that you were too fat, too slow, too clumsy, a bad driver, you're terrible with money, not good looking enough, and the list could go on. So many people believe that they are what these individual sources say they are and they act accordingly; even in light of countless bits of information to the contrary. A young lady that I had the privilege to work with recently regarding her body image informed me that she felt like she had to look like a super model because people really seemed to respond to models in a very positive way. You see this young lady wanted nothing more than to be “noticed” and felt that her current looks held her back from that. Truth is, she was a very beautiful young lady but when she was in Junior high school a boy that she really liked (her first love) broke up with her because she was not his type, he didn’t think that she was pretty enough to continue the relationship and he dumped her to date another girl. That one situation, that one comment, from a single source, meant the world to her and for the next 4 years she did everything she could to look pretty. She dyed her hair blond, worked out until she was too exhausted to move, and she had dietary issues that bordered on having a major clinical impact on her life. This beautiful young lady was willing to suffer physical and mental anguish in order to fit into the mold of what this immature 7th grade kid had thought pretty was.
The information we take in has a big impact on how we develop the beliefs that guide our behaviors. The fact is, everyone has a different definition of beauty and this kid was no authority on what beautiful is. But that did not stop this young lady from developing life habits around trying to live up to this boys standard and to erase the pain that she felt. It is so important to have filters over our minds and we need to guard against what we allow in. Not all information is good…I know you have heard the expression “Garbage in and garbage out.” Whatever we let into our minds will affect our hearts (our emotional center) and will ultimately direct our behaviors, good or bad.
How can this help?
If you have an issue that seems to be persistent or recurrent in your life – low self image, diet issues, relationship problems, etc… start to ask yourself good probing questions like:
1. at what point in my l life did I first notice that this was a problem for me?
2. Can I think of a time in my life when this was not a problem for me?
a. What was different about my life from then to now?
3. What must I believe about this issue that would lead to my current behavior?
4. Is my believe about this issue warranted?
a. Was the original source of this information valid?
5. What have I lost or missed out on in my life as a result of this limiting belief?
6. What can I do today to better enjoy my life and build greater happiness?
Remember, the quality of your life is attributed to the quality of the questions that you ask yourself. Proverbs 4:23 says“Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.” The heart refers to the emotional center of our being and is affected by the mind which must be protected. The questions we ask ourselves act as a filter that allows us to guard our minds against the mass amounts of garbage that is in the world and the quality of our questions determines the quality of the filter we are using.
1 Peter 1:13 (NIV) reads “Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled…”
Ask question that will empower you and allow you to maintain self-control; mastering the influences that surround you. Be sure to ask yourself questions such as that empower you rather than those that hinder your growth and hold you back.
Be sure to avoid asking questions that begin with "Who," "When," and "Why."
1. "Who?" questions fail to take responsibility; they lead to blaming.
2. "When?" usually lead to procrastination and an unwillingness to take action.
3. "Why?" questions place you in the role of victim; a "Poor me" mentality.
Design your questions using the following approach:
1. All of your questions should seek to propel you toward your goal; It should be action oriented
2. Using the word "I;" framing questions so that it requires your personal effect to be realized.
3. Always begin your questions with "What" or "How."
Final thought:
This is a great exercise to begin practicing a technique that has been proven to help people create great changes in their lives. However, this is not the only technique that can help. Be sure to reach out to a counselor, coach, or other local professional that can help you work through this growth process. With assistance not only can you master this technique but you can learn and practice more strategies that will move you toward your NEW LIFE.
Be sure to Check out our web page at http://mynewlifedesign.org
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