Questions That Create Change

This week I was helping my daughter write a paper for school where the teacher asked that the kids list two or three sources for the information they were presenting. My daughter was getting frustrated with finding good sources and in her agitation asked me “Who cares where I get the information from?” That question had me thinking for most of the evening about the credibility of the information we gather and how critical information is to us in how we develop our own belief systems.

Chances are there has been a point in your own life when someone said that you were not good enough, smart enough, tall enough, or that you were too fat, too slow, too clumsy, a bad driver, you're terrible with money, not good looking enough, and the list could go on. So many people believe that they are what these individual sources say they are and they act accordingly; even in light of countless bits of information to the contrary. A young lady that I had the privilege to work with recently regarding her body image informed me that she felt like she had to look like a super model because people really seemed to respond to models in a very positive way. You see this young lady wanted nothing more than to be “noticed” and felt that her current looks held her back from that. Truth is, she was a very beautiful young lady but when she was in Junior high school a boy that she really liked (her first love) broke up with her because she was not his type, he didn’t think that she was pretty enough to continue the relationship and he dumped her to date another girl. That one situation, that one comment, from a single source, meant the world to her and for the next 4 years she did everything she could to look pretty. She dyed her hair blond, worked out until she was too exhausted to move, and she had dietary issues that bordered on having a major clinical impact on her life. This beautiful young lady was willing to suffer physical and mental anguish in order to fit into the mold of what this immature 7^th grade kid had thought pretty was.  

The information we take in has a big impact on how we develop the beliefs that guide our behaviors. The fact is, everyone has a different definition of beauty and this kid was no authority on what beautiful is. But that did not stop this young lady from developing life habits around trying to live up to this boys standard and to erase the pain that she felt. It is so important to have filters over our minds and we need to guard against what we allow in. Not all information is good…I know you have heard the expression “Garbage in and garbage out.” Whatever we let into our minds will affect our hearts (our emotional center)  and will ultimately direct our behaviors, good or bad.  

How can this help?

If you have an issue that seems to be persistent or recurrent in your life – low self image, diet issues, relationship problems, etc… start to ask yourself good probing questions like:

1.      at what point in my l life did I first notice that this was a problem for me?

2.      Can I think of a time in my life when this was not a problem for me?

a.       What was different about my life from then to now?

3.      What must I believe about this issue that would lead to my current behavior?

4.      Is my believe about this issue warranted?

a.       Was the original source of this information valid?

5.      What have I lost or missed out on in my life as a result of this limiting belief?

6.      What can I do today to better enjoy my life and build greater happiness?

Remember, the quality of your life is attributed to the quality of the questions that you ask yourself. Proverbs 4:23 says“Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.” The heart refers to the emotional center of our being and is affected by the mind which must be protected. The questions we ask ourselves act as a filter that allows us to guard our minds against the mass amounts of garbage that is in the world and the quality of our questions determines the quality of the filter we are using.

1 Peter 1:13 (NIV) reads “Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled…”

Ask question that will empower you and allow you to maintain self-control; mastering the influences that surround you. Be sure to ask yourself questions such as that empower you rather than those that hinder your growth and hold you back.

Be sure to avoid asking questions that begin with "Who," "When," and "Why."

1.      "Who?" questions fail to take responsibility; they lead to blaming. 

2.      "When?" usually lead to procrastination and an unwillingness to take action.

3.      "Why?" questions place you in the role of victim; a "Poor me" mentality. 

Design your questions using the following approach:

1.       All of your questions should seek to propel you toward your goal; It should be action oriented 

2.       Using the word "I;" framing questions so that it requires your personal effect to be realized. 

3.       Always begin your questions with "What" or "How." 

Final thought:

This is a great exercise to begin practicing a technique that has been proven to help people create great changes in their lives. However, this is not the only technique that can help. Be sure to reach out to a counselor, coach, or other local professional that can help you work through this growth process. With assistance not only can you master this technique but you can learn and practice more strategies that will move you toward your NEW LIFE. 

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The Love Debt

Romans Chapter 13:8 reads "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another..." It is in the second part of this verse the "Debt to love" that I would like to focus on in this post.

Payment for Debt:

We all know that debt is something that we owe out of obligation; something that must be paid or rendered. Debt has been a part of human history for thousands of years. We can look at the ancient Greeks, Egyptians, Romans, etc... and see that debt and the process to make payment was established very early on. One of the ways that payment was allowed to be made was through a process called "Debt Bondage" in which a person who owed something would pledge their lives in service to the debtor. In exchange, the debtor would pay for the persons food, clothes, shelter, and applied labor to the debt owed. in the later part of the 17th century the term was referred to as indentured servitude - This form of payment is what made it possible for a lot of American Colonist to get to America from Europe. The person wanting to come to American would give themselves in debt to a wealthier person who would pay for their passage to America, house them, cloth and feed them until their obligation was paid. Though the vast majority of those in Indentured Servitude would not live long enough to pay their debt in full. 

So how does this relate?

In Romans Chapter 13:8 I believe that Paul is saying that we should forever be in debt to love. That like the indentured servant we are to pledge ourselves to love and that for the remainder of our lives we need to serve love. One aspect of debt bondage and indentured servitude is that you could possibly pay off your debt and be freed from it at some point. It seems to me that Paul wants us to know that we can never love enough to ever "Pay it off" that we should stay in debt to it. God is the master in which we owe ourselves, Christ was the ultimate example of love that we need to follow, and we need to pledge ourselves to God and the ministry of Christ. God will feed us, clothe us, take care of our basic needs, and ultimately through Christ pay our Passage to heaven. Paul is reminding us of this and that we need to labor in love as payment for Grace.

Implications for us.

Love or connection is what brings all of us together and should be something that we seek to provide to others. In fact, love and connection is a primary human need and the lack of it can manifest in numerous negative ways in your life. Depression is the most common result of a lost feeling of love and connection and one of the criteria for a diagnosis of depression is rapid weight loss which is typically a result of not eating. This indicates to me that at the very core level of health that the emotional needs of people supersede that of the physical body. We need to feel love and we need to be connected; it is our nature. When we fail to love or connect we begin to die emotionally and it can eventually lead to our physical death. Paul is informing us that if we love others unconditionally we lay a strong foundation that will allow us to be loved and create needed connections that allow us to thrive in life. Paul is giving us a strategy for meeting our human needs. 

If we can adopt this love service we will not only experience a level of connection with those in our lives like never before but we can experience connection with God that creates true life fulfillment. It says in 1 John 4:8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. To love someone else is to know God and is to be a demonstration of God in the world. Our debt or obligation is to repay God's Grace of salvation through the love that we provided to others.

How Can we Implement this today?

listed here are a few ways that you can begin to repay the love debt:

1. Random Acts of Kindness - for example, the next time you are at the check out counter leave a couple of dollars at the register for the person behind you to help them pay for their items. Now, you can do something different of course like giving a couple of dollars to the homeless, stopping on the side of the road to help someone with car trouble, write thank you cards to coworkers, or whatever else you can think of. The idea here is that you would practice these random acts so often that they turn from conscious actions to habitual ones.

2. Volunteer your time - Choose a charity, church, company program, or any other type of organization that interest you and donate some time. If you love animals find a shelter, if you have kids volunteer at the school, if you have parents that you care for and live in an assistance home help out a couple of hours a week, etc... the idea is that you are willing to give beyond yourself. Contribution beyond yourself is one of the Human Needs that leads to life fulfillment and is it can be meet through the donation of your precious time.

3. Sacrifice your Interest - This is about deepening your current relationships. If you are in a relationship (dating or married) and/or have children there is no better way to demonstrate your love with them and strengthen your relationship. In sacrificing your interest you take yourself out of the equation and focus completely on someone else's needs and desires. If your significant other loves the ballet but the thought of seeing other men dancing around in tights for 2 hours make you sink I say get out of your own way and take her to the ballet. Risk being physically sink if you have to in order to show her that you love her. Be willing to go that extra mile to show her you love her. If your kids would like for you to tag along on a school field trip to the penny factor and you are allergic to Copper go with them and support them in the passion for penny's. Hopefully, you understand that I am being a bit silly and I certainly would not want you to harm yourself to show your love but what I am saying is that initially we all need to get out of our comfort zones and place others above ourselves. If we sacrifice our own needs and desires so that someone else can experience theirs then we truly know what it means to be in debt to love.

It is my hope that this has at least sparked your interest and that you want to begin to look at what you can do to be fully in debt to love and how it can really change your life.